After much ado about putting together the right ad for what I’m looking for in a person, here’s what I’ve got. I’d love any feedback anybody might be able to give. I know my blind spots are a mile wide and I’d love to get feedback to be able to make myself a better person and to increase the chances of finding someone loyal.
This isn’t the continuation to the previous post that I was planning; that’s still in the works.
General Disclaimer
Just let me say first that I’ve met a few people from on here, now, and I’ve had long discussions via email and phone with a lot of others now, too. I get it, I understand now why so many people say that they’re never going to come here again, and why people get worried about meeting guys on here and only do it in public places and the like. I never thought it really was that bad, from my end (though, to be honest, from the people I’ve met now, most of them are a little weird in the head, too, in a way that makes relationships implausible), but I guess that’s because I break the mold, and I try to hold people around me that are good people. Still, from all of the weird things that happened in my life, I shouldn’t be surprised that it seems like 95% of the people who get on here are psycho.
The only thing that I’m asking right now is that you keep an open mind. I know I’m not one of those douchebags, and I understand that you don’t… but there are still a few good guys out there. Even if we end up not being compatible, I’m a good friend, I’m loyal, and I go to the ends of the earth for people that are decent. I’m not even expecting to meet ‘the one’ for sure on here, or anywhere else, I’m just trying to make sure that I’m covering all of the bases.
I’m a good looking guy, with a big nose that’s a tiny bit crooked (think Howard Stern) from being broken in a few car accidents. I’m going to be getting that fixed soon. Anyway, I normally put my picture up with this, but I’m not going to this time. Please let me know that you’re a real person before I do that; I’m trying not to limit any career moves here, either. Once we’re exchanging emails, I’m more than happy to do a picture for a picture.
Who I Am
I have had a past that is very atypical. I was raised in a very strict family, to the point of abuse. Honestly, for the first couple of decades of my life, it led me to take too much abuse in relationships that I was in. I had a hard time learning when to get out, and getting too close to people right away. I’ve learned from my mistakes, though it’s taken me a long time. My major goal, in life, is to improve myself from every mistake that I make (and it helps so much to have someone to kindly point out the ones that I mistake that are in my blind spots, even if it’s a little sore point sometimes). That’s the one key quality that I’m looking for in someone else, as well. That, and the one that I really won’t waver on is truthfulness. No relationship works without understanding that people are people, nobody is perfect, and we all make mistakes. The honeymoon phase always ends, and that’s when you find out if you’ve got someone that you can grow with, hand-in-hand together, someone that will be there to share the good with, someone that you can help carry through the bad, and someone that will be there to do the same for you. I just want someone who will tell me what is going on in their head, and I’ll do the same (probably to a fault, but I believe in communication being vital).
I take care of myself, physically, and mentally. I meditate, to try to keep myself grounded in good vibes, love for even the people that I don’t like, and a form of caring for others that is not co-dependent. It helps my mood, it helps me be patient, and it helps me be a better person. I’m trying to get more involved in meditation and meeting some local Buddhists who share the same philosophy as I, and it’s a little tough for me right now. I’m still a little intimidated by moving from my [mostly] small-town background into a community like this, but I’m making leaps and bounds.
Physically, though I’ve recently had some illness that’s really kicked me off of my horse, I try to stay in always bettering shape. I’ve got an athletic body, though nothing above par with a lot of the people I see in this community. I run usually over 5 miles a week, and I try to make sure that I do resistance exercises for the rest of my body 3 times a week. I’m a little weak right now, but I always make sure that my body is healthy, even down to the point of what I’m putting into it.
I’m a big sci-fi/horror movie buff, I enjoy different television series along these lines, and cheesy humor like south park and aqua teen hunger force. I temper it with TED talks, online classes expounding on what I learned in my major, and anything else that other people point me at, though, as I know what I just search for on my own is a little bit limited.
I’m a little introverted, and more comfortable with new people in a one-on-one setting, but I understand that not everybody is, and I try to push outside of those bounds when I can.
There’s more, but I’d say I’ve covered enough for now, don’t you think?
What I’m Looking For
As I stated above, more than anything, I’m looking for two qualities in a woman, or even a friend that I meet. I’m looking for somebody who is willing to communicate on things that matter to them; not somebody who will take something the right way or the wrong way and fester without mentioning what happened. That’s been a little bit tough to find, honestly, with PacNW passive-aggressiveness which I wasn’t totally prepared for. I hope you can break those bounds. This definitely includes lies of omission… If there’s something that matters, I want to hear about it. I’m not a guy who blows up, makes excuses, or anything else. If something really rubs me the wrong way, yeah, I may get upset. We’re all human. But I don’t take it out on other people. I’ve learned that a lot of the things that I can learn the very most from are things that will cause my defenses to rise. So I try to sit on them until any transient anger has passed, and one of my defining characteristics is that I ALWAYS go back and check my own behavior, and look for blind spots, and look for ways where I can grow with the new information that I’ve been given. I wasn’t socialized a lot as a kid, so I make a lot of faux pas sometimes, depending on the personality I’m with… I just want to know so I can become a better individual, more capable of dealing with the people around me, even if the person pointing it out turns out to not be ‘the one’, you know what I mean? More than anything else, I don’t want somebody that’s going to kiss me on the way out the door, or say yes to plans they never intend on carrying through, and then pull the fade, or tell me after they’re a few miles away on the phone. I can take disappointment, it’s another opportunity for me to learn to be better adjusted to the society that I live in.
I am looking for someone that takes care of themselves, too. When I say this, I don’t mean someone that’s totally obsessed with climbing a corporate ladder. You can be working at a burger joint, with no plans to go to management, or on disability, or if you’re happy homeless, so be it. What matters to me is that whether or not you’re trying to climb up in our materialistic society that you are trying to be a better person each day. That’s a million times more important to me than somebody who plans to be on the board of directors some day, or rich.
I’d like you to take care of yourself physically. I understand that not everybody is Jillian Michaels and I’m okay with that. I’m sorry, this is one of my superficial points, I guess, but I can’t tolerate somebody that’s obese. I mean I can be friends, maybe more in the future if it’s being worked on, but I just don’t have sexual attraction to that, and sexual connection in a relationship is very important to me. You don’t have to have a bikini body, but semi-decent nutrition (or at least an attempt at it) and trying to stay active… That means a lot to me. It’s part of bettering one’s self. The mind & body are inseparable. Lack of health in one always causes effect in the other.
I’d like you to be somebody who wants to be monogamous. I’ve done casual dating earlier in my life, and I’m past that phase. I’m not going to latch onto the first person that comes by (unless somehow the odds are beaten and that person and I click as perfectly as possible, over time), but I want someone who isn’t looking for a temporary thing. Somebody who may be able to commit some day. If your self-fulfilling prophesy is that you’re not going to settle down, then we’re not getting [mentally] involved.
Now this is a real far shot, but somebody that I’ve met lately has proven to me that it can be done… If you’re into sacred geometry, vibrations, and trying to push toward a higher state of being… any of the ways… Crystals, solar flares, anything like that, you’ve already got one up in my book. I’m a big math and physics geek, went to school for it a bit, and I’ve found a lot of information that scientifically gives credence to a lot of these theories. Even if they are completely bogus, the placebo effect means that if I concentrate on those things I can be a better person from doing it along those lines. If you’re interested in this, maybe even natural medicine, then we’ve got something in common that’d be really fun and interesting to start with. Honestly, when I was still back in the midwest, I didn’t think there was anyone other than myself interested in that stuff, but I’ve found myself to be wrong here already. I just now know that just because they’re on the same spiritual path as me doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ve made it past broken phases that are going to cause a lot of trouble in relationships.
Me, doing my best to look good before an interview.
A Log of Drama, Success, and Epic Failure 